YOUR STORY

 Send me your story. I would love to read it and will send through my comments on how to improve it. (if it needs improvement, of course)

Paste it into the comments box below or email it to info@morrispublishingaustralia.com and put Your Story Entry in the subject box at the top of the email.

2 Responses to YOUR STORY

  1. Brooke Wallace says:

    Avia Day…
    “Avia for goodness sake wake up, you are going to be late!” My mother burst into my room. Her long white hair gleamed in the pink light of dawn, her tall slim figure standing there right beside me intimidated me a little. I groaned and rolled over and looked out of my sky-see, the purple mountains tipped with gold shone in the light of our first sun “Unnas”. She was a big pink ball of burning gas that shone brightest just at last light, she is so quick that it is rare to see this happen. We have another two suns as well, Myala, that rises when Unnas reaches the tallest mountain, she is a dark blue star and offers little light. Myala is so very small that our planet is bigger than her, she sets just before Unnas. Then there is Avia, I’m named after her, she is the most beautiful of them all, a golden star speckled with silver. She only is seen once in an average lifetime, every 496 years. And today is a very special day, Avia day. The day when our third sun joins the rest, at midday all three suns align and the Queen is crowned and I honestly could not be bothered to get out of bed to stand in front to the Asen people today.
    My mother grows impatient and rips my comfy soft covers off of me and storms out, which startles Anchick, she jumps up and runs over to me, poor thing gets startled so easy. I sit up and she curls up in my lap, her smooth bright purple skin is so warm on my hands as the chilly morning air creeps in through the sky-see. I eventually stand up and walk over to my capsule and shut the door behind me. What do I want to wear this morning? I decided to wear the formal gown that mother made for me, I pushed the button and was dressed in a flash. The gown was white silk infused with diamond stones that beamed in the morning light, my headpiece was a simple silk flower that matched the dress, I was ready. Mother and Father walked in, they looked so excited this is the day I would become Queen. “You look beautiful,” my father said. I just smiled

    I step out onto the balcony the sun hurts my eyes, but then they adjust. Father’s sky car was there hovering waiting for me. I uneasily step in and the door shuts behind me. We for ages and eventually arrive at the grand palace. The top of the palace is so high it takes an hour to get up there by flight, and that is where I am going today, to the very top. Legend has it that it is so high up people can go mad. I carefully get out of the sky car and walk up the golden stairs, I can hear the Asen people cheering. Lufa must have already introduced me, she introduces anyone important and events to the town. I am almost at the top when something tugs on my dress, I panic thinking I had caught my dress on something but when I turn around I am greeted with a familiar yap. “Anchick what are you doing here?” I ask, she jumps up and down yapping at me. I gently pick her up, “Stay” I say firmly as I place her in my purse that I invented for Anchick, it is only small but with our technology I have been able to make it bigger on the inside, it is amazing in there. I remember when I first built it I was in there for ages and mother could not find me. It has a comfy capsule for her to sleep in, plenty of treats and drinks and even a cool atmosphere. I take the last two steps and into the bright of day I go, the crowd screams and chants my name. There are so many people from different planets in the near solar system. I step up to the voice echo. “Today my people a Queen is to be crowned, a loyal, trustworthy and fair queen. Today is the day the world changes for the good, forever!” I announce the crowd cheers uncontrollably. I turn and step towards the flight platform that will take me to the top. Then I hear someone shout “All hail Queen Avia!” The crowd echo the call ‘All hail Queen Avia!’ I did it, I have been waiting 148 years for this. It turn to my mother, her beaming smile sickens me, I pull out of my purse my laser gun, her and father were on the receiving end. Time to take over this pitiful planet and galaxy!

    The story was written for a competition but i missed the deadline 800 words:)

    • elaineouston says:

      Thanks for sending your story for me to read. I’m sorry it took so long. Somehow, I wasn’t notified that it was there.
      I love the story and your descriptions of the clothes and the setting.
      I have made some comments in the story and sent them to you.
      Don’t be put off by the comments. They are meant to be a help not a criticism. Every writer must learn these small things. Please continue to write. You have a great storytelling talent. I look forward to reading more of your work.
      Best wishes
      Elaine Ouston

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